“Crunch”
“Snap”
“Chomp”
Ryann signs “more” for another cracker, and I oblige. Sitting and watching her bite and chew so methodically, my mind wanders back to the first time she ate a cookie with her new, baby teeth. A sound I’ll never forget, that first snap of a baby cookie, with her two front teeth.
Now it’s an adult sized cracker, with her two baby sixteen toddler teeth.
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It was 6:18am when I noticed the clock, I rubbed my eyes and headed to the bathroom. I knew once I slunk back into bed there was no falling asleep; so I scooted up next to JPW, my back pressed against his and read under the covers. I enjoyed the quiet and rhythmic breathing of my three companions, two dogs and a husband all breathing in a pattern. I read blogs, I read emails and got caught up on current events. My mind wandered into the week: schedules, routines, chores. And I suddenly felt that anxiety rise up into my throat. I stopped, closed my eyes, breathed deeply and re-focused. I thought back to a blog post I just finished reading.
“I’m “behind”…although I refuse to believe that there is such a thing in blogland because really, this shouldn’t be a burden, just a community and a place to hang out. So, if it were possible to be behind on blogging, I would be (but it’s not so I’m not).” ~AllisonO
My routine and schedule doesn’t need to have “blog” on it. This blog never started that way. And somewhere over the past several months I lost myself, my voice and my purpose. So, like Allison said, I’m not behind.
The anxiety has lessened, and with a new month nearly here, (hello February when did you sneak up on me?), I’m excited that I am back on track, not worrying about who’s reading, what I’m missing or a post not being scheduled. I’d rather catch a moment and write about it, rather than sit and strain to think of two thoughts to string together. Because really, when I look back at this blog five years from now, I’d much rather read about what I taught Ryann to say when she’s sitting on her potty, which by the way is adorable and funny, than read about breath taking anxiety and forced thoughts.
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It’s gorgeous here today, which I probably say most days, after all it is Florida…but it was really was the “perfect weather” day. We headed to yet another state park and strolled. I worked on photography homework, while JPW monitored Ryann pushing the stroller. It’s a tough job, but Ryann was up for it!
Then I showed Ryann the finer things in life…green swamps, down trees, and river sludge.
And along the way there are A LOT of signs, mostly for the imbeciles who want to push their luck, but for us they’re pure entertainment.
Really? EXTREMELY difficult, in Florida? I doubt that, but thanks for the laugh.
Funny, when I saw this…I thought “we have the same hours of operation”. Ha!
Some may try to swim…It’s comical and perhaps they deserve to become alligator lunch?
Happy Sunday, even though the sun is soon to set on this day…
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Do you love candles, but hate the flame and hot wax around your little ones? Would you love to have a gorgeous smell wafting through your house all day long? You must try Scentsy. Scentsy is the maker of the flame-less candle. They have beautiful scents that will fill your home with some of your favorite notes.
Head on over to their site, browse around. The warmers are so pretty and truly add to the decor of your home. I have the Angora full size warmer, the Soap stone warmer and a plugin warmer. Each one adds a simple, yet elegant touch to our home. Are you interested in ordering? If you order in the month of February you will receive 10% off your whole order. And since their warmers and scents are very reasonably priced, that’s a fantastic deal!
Would you love to host a party to receive the February deal of the month AND hostess benefits? It’s easy. You can host an online party or a basket party. An online party is just that, you send a link to your family, friends, and co-workers and they order through your link, all items are shipped directly to them, you have nothing to keep track of and you reap the hostess benefits. A basket party is an in home or office party; you are sent a basket filled with Scentsy goodies to touch, feel and smell. You’re able to see some of the products and browse through the catalog. The basket can be brought to your workplace too! After ten days you send it back, all expenses paid…easy!
Contact Bonnie for more details about ordering or hosting a party. She’d love to get you set up with an online party or send you a basket for a basket party. Hosting with her automatically gets you a free product of your choice valued at $8 or under (scent bar, room spray, scent circle, scent pack, fragrance foam or travel tin) OR an extra half priced item.
Bonnie is available on email, twitter and skype!
Interested in my favorites?? Currently burning in my home (in three different rooms): black raspberry vanilla, home sweet home and white sand. They’re delicious!!
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It’s a familiar feeling lately. It creeps up when I least expect it, or when my to-do list is a mile long. It’s a feeling that brings back both exciting and terrifying memories. I can feel my face get warm, my heart beat faster and a lump forms in my throat, the feeling knocks me over and I’m consumed with irrational thoughts and fears.
I remember these feelings when I shared our baby news with JPW. What would he think? What would he say? Oh my goodness our lives were changing all because of two pink lines, the anxiety was almost crippling.
I remember waddling into my principals office in July 2009 to formally turn in my resignation letter, the fear nearly consumed me on the drive there. My face was flush and I was practicing my speech and thinking of all the things I could, should, would say to him. Thankfully I didn’t have to, he was so kind and understanding, but the anxiety nearly kept me at home.
And now, some how this anxiety has found its way back into my life. It’s the terrifying anxiety, not the anxiety I felt on my wedding day, or when the nurses told me I could push, but the petrifying, mind racing, heart pounding anxiety that stops me. Stops me from having rational, organized thoughts and causes me to sit on the couch watching numbing television because the lump in my throat is too painful to do anything else.
I feel okay right at this moment, but the moment I rest my head tonight, it’ll creep back in my system and I’ll eventually fall asleep to the sound of my pounding heartbeat on my pillow.
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Last year I won a gift certificate for two months unlimited attendance to Stroller Strides. I had been putting off using that gift certificate for logistical reasons. There were no classes near my house on the days I was home. The times of the classes near my work were during babies nap times and then I forgot about it and when I remembered again the location didn’t work out. As I purged my desk drawer I found it and realized I need to make this work. And I did.
I attended my first class last Friday. I was so nervous. Not because I didn’t think I could handle the workout, but because I was joining a group of women who in my mind were an “established ” group. You know the group that has been together for a while, sharing personal stories and meeting outside of the designated Stroller Strides times. Yeah, I was the NEW GIRL. And I was afraid they’d snub me with their cliquish ways and fancy strollers.
With supplies in hand, baby in stroller and a positive attitude about working out I stroll up to the first woman I see.
Hi, I’m Lindsey, I have a gift certificate and was told to just show up…are you the instructor?
Yes, I’m Jenn, welcome Lindsey! What is your daughter’s name?
Oh, this is Ryann. Thanks so much for having us.
Do you workout regularly or have you attended one of our classes before?
No, first time to the class and if by workout you mean chasing a toddler, cleaning, folding laundry and heaving grocery bags, then no I don’t workout regularly.
The instructor laughed and other moms arrived all welcoming me and Ryann. They were so friendly, my mood immediately shifted from nervous to ohmygoodnesspleasebemyfriend?!?! I am desperate for friends here, and I finally feel like I have the chance to meet other moms who stay at home and understand the need for adult interaction during the day. I wanted so badly to move beyond the salutations and chat it up with the other mom’s, but our workout was so fast paced and Jillian Michaels-esque that I could barely find time to breath and not pass out, never mind TALKING and CONVERSING. The hour wrapped up quickly and while I was putting the stroller in the car, another mom walked over and handed me her phone number. HER PHONE NUMBER!!
I jumped in the car, called JPW and told him I made a friend, got her number and Stroller Strides might kill me, but I’ll have friends while doing it! I’m headed to my second class now and I can’t lie, I’m way more excited about seeing the other moms than wheezing my way through sprints and push ups.
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I made pulled barbeque chicken in the crockpot yesterday. It was delicious and my plan was to make enough that I’d have leftover for more sandwiches and pizza. The pizza idea is my own creation and after consuming it for dinner a mere 30 minutes ago I had to share my made up recipe with you. You’ll salivate while reading and want some of your own, I promise. Ryann approves of this meal, there was no food throwing, dog feeding or “no, no, no’s”….if you’re not convinced check out her clean plate!
I left my comfort zone of typical round pizza and made a larger cookie sheet rectangular pizza.
Roll out dough, place on greased (with olive oil) cookie sheet
Spread alfredo sauce
Sprinkle mozzarella cheese
Add leftover bbq chicken and bbq sauce
Add thin slices of granny smith apples
Cook at 425 degrees for approximately 17-20 minutes (depending on your oven and cookie sheet)
Stare at hot oozing delicious pizza while it cools
Serve and enjoy!
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Ryann is a very active toddler. Which is odd to me because as an infant she just laid there, she was a late roller and mover. She learned to sit up unassisted early and then just sat or laid most of the time. She would babble and shriek and grab for toys within her reach, but other than that she had no motivation to go anywhere. I was a tad concerned, but knew she’d move when she was ready. And when she started moving, our lives got a bit more crazy.
Ryann is a very active girl. Once she figured out her legs could take her somewhere she was exploring every inch of the house; and we let her. She was taught which areas were “no, no” and which areas were “dangerous” and doors were closed to the bathroom and guest room but she had the rest of the house to explore and call her own.
She will sit and read a book, play in short spans with us or stand (yes, stand for the full 30 minutes) and watch either one of her favorite Praise Baby videos, but other than that she is off walking/running/climbing/exploring. I didn’t find this to be problematic, it’s all I’ve known with her. But when I’m in a room for Toddler Time and look around and see all the other toddlers sitting and engaging in the stories or organizing themselves to dance along with the librarian, I wonder why my kid is running around, touching the props and books…then I’m reminded that she’s an active learner. She is engaging, but her engagement in an activity is through touch, feel and movement. I have no doubt my child is smart (see also: stubborn); but we’ll have our work cut out for us when she enters school.
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We’ve reach a new toddler milestone at the Williams’ house. It starts with an N and ends with an O. And goes something like this:
“Ryann, may I have a kiss?”
“No, no, no.”
“Ryann, please get your sippy cup off the floor.”
“No, no, no.”
“Ryann, it’s time to change your stinky bum.”
“No, no, no.”
Notice a pattern? Ryann has learned the word no and uses it appropriately in context. Last night there were three attempts at bedtime. Why? Because the first two attempts were peppered with “no, no, no”, cue tears and yelling and HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO TAKE MY EMPTY SIPPY CUP AWAY FROM ME!
Sometimes, her “no, no, no’s” really mean YES! Yes, mommy I want that snack trap of goldfish, YES I want to read that story on your lap. But because we do not read her mind and provide those things before she wants them, it’s “no, no, no” you didn’t do it fast enough, I will yell at you and scream until it’s realized this is in fact what I want.
Ah, toddler-hood, may your tantrums be few, tears be happy and requests be gentle.
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