You’re hosting Thanksgiving for the first time, or not traveling to be with an extended family here is a “how to host your own Thanksgiving” guide.
1. Buy a 12lb frozen turkey (for two and a half people) two days before Thanksgiving (because you had plans change last minute), pray it defrosts in time.
2. Drive to three different stores looking for one final ingredient for a recipe, make sure to bring your baby and/or toddler or pet (as it applies) to make the adventure more exciting.
3. Decide to potty train your toddler (or your new puppy!) during the Thanksgiving break. If you can’t be with your extended family for your dose of holiday drama, why not potty train your kid (or puppy), that’s sure to cause some family drama!
4. Eat all the food in your pyrex (the night before Thanksgiving) so you have baking and storage containers for the feast you’re preparing.
5. Stay up too late the night before, then toss and turn, and subsequently wake up an hour before your toddler or baby or pet wakes you.
6. Greet toddler (or new pet you’re house training) at your bedroom door to kick off potty training.
7. Sit with potty trainer and read books, cheer on her effort, and check the clock every minute to make sure you’ll get the turkey in the oven in time.
8. Watch twenty minutes go by and urine stream onto your couch.
9. Say an extra prayer as your unwrap your turkey that it defrosted and you won’t be serving salmonella with your dinner.
10. Prepare turkey, and check potty trainer’s whereabouts for wet spots.
11. Clean up pee, again.
12. Make sure your turkey fits in the oven, or remove oven racks as needed.
13. Scare the pee, literally, out of your potty trainer with an obnoxious kitchen timer.
14. Remedy the timer situation.
15. Continue to check for wet spots as your potty trainer moves about freely with no pee or poop catching apparatus.
16. Prepare the excessive amount of food you bought for two and a half people.
17. Check on more wet spots.
18. Lounge, relax and make a mental note to change out of pj’s before dinner is on the table.
19. Argue with your loved one about potty training on their “vacation”.
20. Give thanks and praise and enjoy your feast.
From our family to yours (all two and a half of us), may your turkey be moist, your potatoes be creamy and your blessings be many. Happy Thanksgiving.
