A fresh, old memory.

by LCW on February 15, 2011

in all about me,Ryann

It’s hard to remember those first few weeks and, sometimes months, with a newborn.  Although, there are moments that I’ll never forget. A breastfeeding memory that is still so fresh…

I drove up to the class hesitantly, lugged Ryann, my over sized diaper bag and insecurities into the room. I sat near my friend Haley.  I introduced myself and Ryann to the group.  Ryann was only 3 weeks old at the time.  I remember the onesie she was wearing, and the maternity clothes I was still sporting.  All the other moms seemed so put together, their babies far more advanced and insecurities a thing of the past.

I thought to myself, I must be doing something wrong. Surely this is hard for everyone. What if Ryann wakes up? She’ll need to eat, and I’ll have to keep my gasps and toe-curling hidden from the group.  I was at a group breastfeeding class; where support and encouragement and breastfeeding would be the only conversation.   I was relieved to have a group of moms and lactation consultants to support me and help me when JPW didn’t know what more to do.  But what on Earth was making this so painful and difficult for me?

I managed to latch Ryann on by myself, literally biting my lip as she began to nosh. After a few minutes {which seemed like an eternity} the burning subsided and I was able to relax my shoulders.  I felt the tension melt.  I peered around the room, observing the other moms.

How do they do that so discreetly?  Some don’t even wear breast pads! They’re talking and relaxed and enjoying this…what am I doing wrong??

I finally got the courage to speak up and ask the group…”How is this so easy for all of you? Am I doing something wrong?”

A muffled  laughter filled the room, the lactation consultant walked over and insisted on checking Ryann’s latch and my hold.  She patted me on the back and said I was doing everything right.  The other moms chimed in and said they had been at it a few months longer and they felt for me, because breastfeeding is difficult and they too, felt the same way I did in those first few weeks.  I was so happy to hear those words: right, difficult, easier.  I knew that with each passing week and month breastfeeding would become easier, I could be one of those moms…in time.

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