**Disclaimer: I HATE writing disclaimers on my OWN blog, however some of you may read the following post and think….Is she talking about me? Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, maybe I’m just venting. Let me vent. The following is not intended for any ONE person, it’s just me getting my thoughts out.**
A fact about me: I don’t handle disappointment well. I don’t. I never have and it has become more obvious in my adult years. I’ve tried to speculate as to why I’m like this, but obviously God made me this way and I’m not meant to find out; I am meant to work through it and get past it. But the best way I’ve come to handle disappointment is not get excited or expect anything. Sad? Yes, terribly. I plan for the worst and hope for the best. That way when plans fall apart, I’m not disappointment because I wasn’t planning for anything to happen. This is not how it should be, it’s not.
I had big plans for Ryann’s 1st birthday party. I was disappointed my big plans wouldn’t be an option because of our budget. But I came to terms with our reality and planned the best damn first birthday party we could afford. It is planned to be intimate and sweet and colorful. I am making everything myself. EVERYTHING. I’m ok with that, I enjoy being crafty and feel a sense of accomplishment knowing I did it all. Our biggest splurge to date are the self designed invites. I mailed out 17 invitations, color coordinated hand printed addresses with cute “Love” stamps. To date we have 2 RSVP’s, 1 yes, 1 no. Thank you to the other 15 families/friends who have ignored the fact that I requested an RSVP. You’re welcome for the invite which I’m sure will be circular filed. I am disappointed. I’m not going to lie. And at this point in the disappointment I’m feeling regret. Are there stages to disappointment? Because if there are I’m in the regret stage. I regret wasting my time making the invites, and wasting our money mailing them out to 17 families and friends. Ryann won’t know the difference, she won’t care who’s at her party. But I do, I’ll remember and I’ll care and I wanted a sweet gathering to celebrate her first year of growth. But I regret the decision to invite anyone. I do.
My friends and e-friends who know me, know I do not like it here. This is not my house, it’s not my quaint little town and I miss having friends near by. But when friends tell me they’re coming to visit I get so disappointed when it doesn’t work out. I do, I can’t help it. I dare not tell you I’m crushed, because I understand it’s out of your control most of the time. I understand life gets in the way and children get sick and money is tight. I GET it. But the disappointment boils up inside of me and my heart races and I regret allowing myself to feel any sort of excitement because the let down is too much.
Will I ever learn how to handle the disappointment? I wish I knew the answer to that. My suspicions as to why I am let down so easily stem back from middle and high school. A topic I’m not quite ready to share with you, someday soon though. A glimpse into my past is long overdue. However, what can I do now that helps me over this disappointment hump without feeling like a heroine addict going through withdrawal??
But I will put on my best face for Ryann’s first birthday and you bet your happy ass I’ll sing and dance and shower with her love and kisses and presents. Even if it’s only me, JPW and my mom singing Happy Birthday to her. And like the Beatles once sang, “All you need is love”.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
I wish I lived closer. Sad face.
Thanks girl, I know you'd show up with a baby girl on your hip, a boy holding your hand a bells and whistles. Perhaps a virtual party is in order.
LCW recently posted..Disappointment- it’s like my anti-drug
Hi Lindsey! I'm sorry that nobody really got back to you with their RSVP's. That's just not right. What is nicer than getting together for a Baby's Birthday Party? I don't get it…
I don't know why you don't like it there, or you don't want to be there. (I'm reading your blog for the first time.), but I can relate. Not that I don't like it here, but all my friends and family live in Germany and we are thinking of moving back, since we don't really have any support here with our little one. My inlaws are not helping at all and they only live 15 minutes away. My little guy is almost 14 month old and they didn't watch him once. Or went to the park. mall etc. with him. Not even for one hour. NOTHING!
I don't get it and I'm not really good with disappointment either!
You hang in there and I'm sure you will make the best of it! Have the best Birthday Party ever and take lots of pictures!
And of course: HAPPY BIRTHDAY and all the best to the little one!!!
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I hope you'll stick around to keep reading, my husband and I aren't usually this much of a downer. I will for sure post pics and everyone will be feeling bummed they missed out. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.
I'm sorry, hon. I can imagine how hard it must be not have family and friends close by. I wish I had some advice, but I can go kick people in the shins who let you down or who were just rude & didn't RSVP. I have a lot of pent up frustration and pointy-toed shoes.
You're doing a great thing for Ry's birthday. Make sure you take lots of pictures so you can share it with those of us who don't live close enough to drop by with our party hats on.
Krista @ Not Mommy o recently posted..A former farm girl goes back sort of
Pointy toed shoes and shin kickings might be in order. You're on red alert, ok?
LCW recently posted..Disappointment- it’s like my anti-drug
Oh hun, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Your adorable invite is up on our fridge for the world or at least our family to see!! I promise to RSVP by the end of week when we know for sure if we are going to be able to drive down.
**Hugs!!**
PS- I REALLY want to come!!
Thanks for not throwing it away, just yet.
LCW recently posted..Disappointment- it’s like my anti-drug
i REALLY wish we lived closer! The Sluiters totally LOVE a good kid party! Plus? I tend to go overboard on the gift because it's just too much fun to pick out! Sigh….someday? we will come visit. if only money wasn't such a darn issue!
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And we want you here, for real!
LCW recently posted..Disappointment- it’s like my anti-drug
i felt this way about b's first christmas. we spent christmas alone (after thinking my sister was coming). it was supposed to be this magical moment and we had a 2 week old and didn't do ANYTHING. it was a huge let down. and i didn't even put a bunch of work into any planning or anything (well, except for birthing a baby…..but that's different…….).
you're right too, when she is older, ryann will have no clue, but she will see pics of her mommy and her daddy and her cake and she will think, "i have a great mommy!" =)
bella says she would totally come if her mommy wasn't so lame. =) i hope it is a wonderful day (and i'm sure it will be).
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And Bella would have a kick ass time, cause there will be toys and laughter! Thanks for sharing your story.
LCW recently posted..Disappointment- it’s like my anti-drug
I would feel the same way. Wait…I do! I live so far away from family and close friends that I don't even think I'm going to send them invitations. Know, though, that if I still lived in S. Florida I would totally drive up for the party. Lots of hugs!
I know you would, and the girls would have a blast. Maybe you could send evites for the out of town folk? I should have done that.
LCW recently posted..Disappointment- it’s like my anti-drug
Even though I'm not a mom yet, we have so much in common. I can relate to you on the disappointment factor. I wrote a blog post a few weeks back about friends, being kind and "treating others the way you wish to be treated". I didn't elaborate on the friend part too much, but when someone says they're "stopping by", or coming over for a visit, I anticipate their arrival and I'm excited to see them b/c we have no friends/family in the area that make a point to visit. When they don't call or stop by, it's a major disappointment and let down. This has happened MANY times. I ask myself, Is it us? Do people just not like to hang out and have a good time? Who knows. You have that 1st birthday party, and as long as Ryann enjoys herself, you, the hubs, and your mom will be happy. Can't wait to see pics. : )
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Sigh, I wish we didn't have this in common. So happy to have "met" you. Thanks for reading.
Sending you some LOVE ♥ Wish i could do more for you & hug you in real life – but a million E-Hugs are headed your way
Thanks for the hug and sweet thoughts.
I can't stand it when people don't RSVP. How hard is it to pick up the phone or write a quick email?! Drives.me.nuts.
Right?! A text would suffice too. Haha. Maybe I don't open the door for those who didn't tell me they were coming. Kidding, sort of.
I don't normally comment on blogs (cause I'm lame lol) but this post totally hit home! I worked so hard on Cooper's invites and I even gave 3 ways to RSVP I got like 5 back out of the 30+ I sent out!! The only difference is we live in our hometown now, but people still didn't RSVP they friggin showed up though grrrrr.
My biggest dissapointment came after the party. I had worked for months to get his party together, I did everything myself and I thought it was one hell of a party, did i go overboard yeah maybe ( I painted the damn yard, ok!!) but I felt like noone appreciated it or even noticed. I wasn't looking for a huge pat on the back but all I got was "are you going to do this for every kid/birthday?" "your going to run out of ideas" "couldn't you think of better ways to use your time than make all this?"
I guess all that matters is someday Cooper will look back and see his kick ass party and say you know what my parents really love me! and I'm sure Ryann will think the same thing!
P.S. We would totally party down with Ryann if we were there
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I cannot believe you painted your yard, that's incredible. And you're so right, Cooper will appreciate it and that's what matters! Great job.
I so wish we could be there to celebrate with you guys. I totally get the disappointment. I feel it too, for completely different reasons, but its heartbreaking when you know you really do deserve for just SOMETHING to go right.
But at the end of the day we have great husbands and beautiful girls… so I guess something is going right…. right?
big hugs L!
Husbands=kick ass. Baby girls=amazingly beautiful little beings. Family who bail on a 1st bday party=disgrace You'll be here in spirit, I know it!
Big hugs!!!! That is very disappointing. It doesn't really seem fair that the people I want to attend H's 1st bday party all live far away (and I have only met over the internet). Wish we could be there to celebrate!
I'm hoping you get some more RSVPs today. But regardless who does show up, it will be a special day!
IT will be special. and THEY are missing out.
Update: I'm about thisclose to cancelling the "official" birthday party. Because honestly it'll be more work now and I'm quite over the major let down at this point. Thanks for all the sweet comments.
Aw girl! I hope all is ok! Even if it's just you three and your dogs it will be a special day for her! We are celebrating Rylie's actually birthday with just me and her daddy (and of course the mutts) She will love it no matter what
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Ugh. I'm so late catching up on your blog. I participated in the webinar last night and seeing you on there reminded me that I need to read up.
Anyway, I hope you don't cancel it! She deserves a party and to hell with everyone one that is too busy to RSVP or show up. I handle disappointment much the same way you do. Being in FL with NO family down here, I place too much importance and weight on friends because they are the only "family" we have. It sucks, because they have family here and other priorities.
Anyway, this is preparation for the future. We are going to have to be prepared to handle disappointed kids in the future, and if we can't handle it ourselves, we'll be useless. So help me God, I don't know what I'll do if the day ever comes when my 4 year old cries because only 1 kid showed up to her party….ugh, the future is going to get more complicated than this.
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