I Got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one

by JPW on April 15, 2010

in The DH blog

…actually a bitch is one. cali (our female mutt) tests my nerves daily…here’s a list of *some* of my issues:

  1. i hate elmo with his baby talk, stupid songs with one word to the jingle bells theme, and constant third person references (really, it makes me angry)
  2. i wouldn’t wear shoes at all if i could get away with it
  3. my dreams often involve death
  4. i swear too much in my posts (here’s how i see it, it’s just a word made by a man to have a meaning. if the definition of shit was a green tree, then it would be socially acceptable to say hey look at that nice shit, isn’t it beautiful. how is saying crap or shoot or any other alternative word any better? if i’m thinking it, i’ve already committed the sin and i’d be lying if i said something that i wasn’t thinking…so instead of making it worse…i say what comes to my mind…this also gets me in a lot of trouble sometimes)
  5. i overshare
  6. i love a good argument (some of my best analogies come to me when i’m really into it)
  7. i’m entirely too technical to be of any use
  8. making the bed every day doesn’t make sense to me…we’re just going to mess it up again in 16 hours and no one is coming into our room
  9. sometimes i wish i was stupid so i didn’t think so much
  10. i feel almost happy when i think about someone “bad” dying that I think deserved it
  11. i can disconnect extremely easily from all emotions and move on
  12. secretly i enjoy writing about dark gloomy things…dark movies and books are great as well
  13. i’m addicted to technology…but also don’t want to buy another thing…
  14. i can take a word out of a sentence and start singing a song that has that word in it (this is what happens in my head when someone is talking to me)
  15. tv makes me feel useless
  16. i like to enjoy silence in extremely long doses (weeks without interaction doesn’t bother me one bit)
  17. i’m happier with less…i’m beginning to hate stuff
  18. my attitude is 50% relaxed, 40% don’t care, 5% don’t bother me, 5% annoyed at all times
  19. i feel annoyed every day right after lunch
  20. i want to run an ultra marathon in freezing conditions (20 below zero at times) http://www.arrowheadultra.com/index.html
  21. getting up early makes me grumpy all day
  22. i’m selfishly immune to “dangerous” activities
  23. i have no patience lately
  24. i don’t like to repeat myself
  25. i zone out when listening to someone else talk…it’s not my forte’
  26. i’d rather be outdoors any day (yeah even freezing rain…with the right gear of course)
  27. if i could survive without eating, i would…it’s a waste of time
  28. i could never be a caregiver….i don’t enjoy taking care of anyone or anything
  29. i try not to judge anyone…but i still do
  30. sometimes, i’ll say absolutely anything to get someone to stop talking
  31. i wish i could judge and kill any guy who has every hit a woman/child
  32. i sometimes wish i could do the same to sports announcers
  33. i wish Ed Gerhard would beat up every so called musician out there
  34. i can’t stand the radio but would rather listen to that than Ry scream in the back seat (live long Pandora)
  35. i lived in a tiny apartment 5 days a week for almost a year with just a blow up mattress, one sheet, one pillow, one fork, one pocket knife, one spoon, some frozen food, a microwave, one toothbrush, one bar of soap, one towel, and some clothes…and felt extremely happy and at ease
  36. i drove from FL to CO to UT…and loved every second of it
  37. all babies screaming (even Ry’s) drives me i-n-s-a-n-e
  38. i enjoy manual labor jobs
  39. i don’t like the light to be turned on in the bathroom at night…it bothers me b/c i’m getting ready for bed and don’t want a bright light in my eyes
  40. LCW is a creature of habit…we argue about this sometimes (it just doesn’t make sense to me)
  41. dr’s annoy me…if you weren’t sick when you went in being around all the sick people will probably make you sick. plus most of the time, all they do is give you a prescription to something that will probably go away in a few days.
  42. i hate the idea of paying for someone elses health-care b/c i make more than they do. i’m penalized for taking care of myself and having a good job…yeah that makes sense. some womens legs should be sewn shut
  43. i honk my horn for obnoxiously long periods of time. i also swerve and honk at people who are texting when i’m driving alone secretly hoping they will crash…not get hurt…just enough to wreck their car so they don’t hurt/kill anyone in the future
  44. rap is really getting on my nerves…any moron can talk over a beat. underground bands is where it’s at lately
  45. i spit a lot…
  46. i like to live in different places…apparently it’s a bad thing for your credit score
  47. i’m addicted to prime numbers
  48. i hate that all speakers aren’t electronically shielded…so does my iphone
  49. windows 7 is the same as vista…i want to slap anyone who believed their marketing scheme
  50. i don’t understand people who say they would be bored if they didn’t have a job…that’s just stupid
  51. i’d travel to a different location every day if i could
  52. i don’t want world peace…how boring would that be
  53. i’m a realist…don’t argue with facts
  54. i’ll yell at a computer
  55. cheap electronics spawn impulse buys for me
  56. i’m immediately skeptical of anyone with medical/psychological issues
  57. i suck at golf
  58. i believe in super hero’s
  59. i’ll be cold-hearted before telling anyone what’s on my mind
  60. i move/shake almost constantly
  61. villains on movies/tv shows make me angry
  62. james bond music should only be used in james bond
  63. obvious jokes aren’t funny
  64. cops piss me off…don’t you have something better to do than shoot radar for someone doing 15 over the speed limit trying to go to work.  why not arrest a crack head or stop that guy from beating his wife
  65. i hide details to make people ask questions so I know they’re paying attention
  66. i hate to repeat myself (notice the repetition…)
  67. i compartmentalize my life (family here, work there, fun there, etc.)…and like it that way
  68. sometimes i’ll try to start a fight (not fist) with someone at the office b/c I’m bored
  69. my favorite movie is played backwards (momento)
  70. i like to be organized but could care less about being clean (orderly and dirty is better than clean and un-orderly)
  71. i bite my nails (i use to even bite my toenails)
  72. ryann, the dogs and i all have the same gas problem
  73. listening to our dogs lick themselves and drink water gives me a tick
  74. i have trust issues with odd things
  75. cell phones ringers annoy me (cell phones shouldn’t have audible ringers…only vibrate on different levels)
  76. i like role playing games
  77. i’m addicted to 24 but will only watch it on Netflix (i don’t play the wait 1 week game)
  78. graphing paper makes me happy…so do non mechanical roseart pencils
  79. i laugh a lot when people get really upset at me…it makes them angry
  80. i write life saving algorithms in scripting code…even though i shouldn’t (it’s not safe but it’s quicker)
  81. helping someone for free makes me happy…most people don’t get this (i certainly wouldn’t do my job for free…maybe that explains a lot)
  82. i wish time away, then want it back
  83. i think respect is more important than love
  84. i don’t kiss my wife as much as i should (she does a lot for us)…it’d be easier if she only needed respect…love is hard
  85. the thought of eating breakfast right after waking up makes me feel sick
  86. i no longer enjoy taking care of our dogs. it use to be fun, but now it’s just another thing to do
  87. celebrities make mankind look stupid and should be removed…go away Kate Gosselin
  88. if someone hurt my family, i would make it my mission to torture them every day..but not let them die (yeah it’s wrong, but it’s how i feel)
  89. people who whisper annoy me…speak up
  90. don’t interrupt me while i’m speaking…but i do it other people quite often (mostly to save them from re-explaining something i already understand)
  91. i start lots of projects and don’t follow through with them. my favorite part is the hardest part of setting it up…then i get bored with it
  92. i talk 100x more than any engineer i know
  93. i’d rather talk on the phone…but keep it short. don’t text me or write me an email when it’s easier to call and explain it
  94. i get hangnails and sty’s constantly
  95. i’m very touch oriented…(lingerie doesn’t make sense…you’re paying more money, for less clothing…which is going to be removed anyway? who’s buying into this?)
  96. don’t tell me any phone is currently better than the iPhone…i’ll provide you an exhausted technical list of reasons your palm pre or droid is inferior (although android is getting better and may surpass in coming years. but palm is up for sale)
  97. i screen all my calls…and don’t answer blocked calls. that’s like someone’s knocking on your door and you look out the peep hole to see a person dressed in a trench coat and their face covered)
  98. i like reading womens baby blogs (it’s entertaining, free, and i can relate to it on some level)
  99. smacking gum…i’ve already talked about this one here

Despite all my issues, I’m probably the most laid back person you’ll ever meet. I just have very specific ticks that I think directly interact with my ADD.

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