where did all your friends go?

by JPW on March 18, 2010

in Before Ryann,The DH blog

…I’m not the worlds best KIT person. Wait, let’s back up before I throw that at you. Who the hell has time for friends after a baby? You’ve seen my schedule here…there isn’t a “drink a beer with cronies” partition of time there. Kids suck the life outta you…or at least the fun time outta you. However, I think they do this in different ways for men and women.

I’m going to go out on a ledge (very carefully given our readership is mostly female) here and say that it’s easier for women to maintain friends through a baby than it is for a man. I won’t make bold statements without some bullet points so here’s why:

  1. they can go shopping together and grab some coffee to chit-chat baby in tow
  2. women can call up their friend, “put the baby on the phone” and giggle about it for the next week on twitter #babiesarefunny
  3. when their husbands/sig-other pisses them off they can call up their friends (yes all of them) and talk about it for the next month…and their friends can always relate with another story about their husband/sig-other
  4. they can just sit around with their friends (single, married, divorced) with a baby and they all love it. they ::squeal::, tell spit-up stories, talk about relationships, go on play dates and somewhere in there clothes fly off and a pillow fight breaks out (hey don’t ruin my fantasy)…..etc. etc. etc….you get my point…

Now what do guys do…well we play golf, fish, drink beer and this guy likes outdoor sports (kayaking, rock climbing, snowboarding)…none of those events you can take a baby on and most of them need a good amount of time. Living in FL, I can’t just go jump on my snowboard and be back in 2 hours…I need at least a weekend. Even 9 holes of golf will take up an entire morning…(add in +2 hrs of looking for my ball b/c I suck at golf).

The activities are different for men and women and it’s not fair (there I said it). Men’s activities push family away…they harness being single and free doing what you want when you want. Women’s activities bond them with their children and their friends. They can go 5 mins down the road to shop and eat lunch and the time can be well maintained. I’m not going shopping with any dude nor are we going to sit and chat over lunch or some coffee….it’s all a little too g-a-y for this dude.

I won’t go as far to say that it’s inconvenient for men but NOT for women (excuse the d-neg sentence)…but i do believe that having a child makes women’s relationships stronger, brings them together and makes them more of a family person while hanging out with guys drives them apart from family. If you feel differently, I’d love to hear your argument. A case study with your husband/sig-other would be most effective….turn it in on green engineering paper or I won’t read it.

I haven’t seen a guy who has gained friends b/c he has a baby, but I’ve seen many women bond and gain lots of friends after having a baby. I believe it gives them a common ground to talk about their issues and feelings. To nurture and feel loved…reproducing has to be exhilarating (I’ll stick to running thanks).  But I don’t wanna talk about how having a baby makes me FEEL or go to a breastfeeding group. Yes I love Ry but I’m not going to pour a hot cup of mojo, sit at a rounded table with kenny g playin in the background and talk about it with other dudes.

I’m sure once Ry gets older this will change. She’ll go on a trip with her friends or away to camp…mom can go hang out with her friends and I can go to Vegas with the boys :). There are parts of my single life I miss…having money to do whatever, whenever…having the means to do whatever, whenever…and the freedom to do whatever, whenever. I’m not a paint in the lines type of person…routine actually depresses me.

However, I wouldn’t trade my family to do it all over again. The reason I love my family life as much as my past single, travel-filled, friends-galore life is that, while they’re both very different in many ways…you’re always headed into the unknown and there are always lots of unanswered questions. That gives me those good chills just to think about not knowing what’s going to happen. (speaking of unknown, I was about 2.5 seconds from setting the whole house on fire a few mins ago…i’m sure LCW will blog about why men are stupid later…anyone have a toaster for sell?)

Is your blood boiling b/c you think I’m a blubbering idiot? Please comment below with an agree/disagree…and of course why?

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Previous post:

Next post: